Neko Secret Room (Switch) Review

Playing as a weirdly 3D modeled anime girl, it is your job to pointlessly wander around a one bedroom apartment, put digital puzzles together, and lose at a not fun dart mini game. There really isn’t much to this downloadable title, as you can’t win or lose, so the highlight remains piecing together lewd puzzles from a computer.

The player is free to walk around this tiny 70 square foot apartment but there isn’t anything to do. If you walk near the glowing spot by the bed, your anime avatar will dance for some reason.  And not dance to timed button presses. Nope, she just dances as if she won a game of Fortnite.  If you happen to walk into the bathroom, players can enjoy a .jpg photo of a generic landscape in the background probably stolen from a Google search. It is also possible to walk through the bathtub due to the lack of collision detection. Also, not that you really need it, but there is no option to invert the vertical camera when walking around in this 3rd person mode.

There is an option to adjust the bust size and outfit of this playable avatar but these options, just like most of the gameplay, do not have a purpose. The one other point of interactivity comes from playing a lousy game of darts in which the computer AI will destroy you every time, hitting triple 60s with easy. Plus, playing darts seems so out of place for a game that is centered around anime girls showing their chests.

When the computer is accessed in the corner of the room, the player will have the option to put together digital puzzles featuring a dozen anime girls. There are three puzzles for each girl, each sporting the same exact pose just featuring a different outfit… or more specifically, the lack of an outfit. Thanks to a small delay in moving the cursor during this puzzle mode, it is also easy to mistakenly hit the reset button on the side of the screen which can cause tons of unnecessary frustration. 

Each puzzle has the same amount of pieces and putting them together is nothing more than clicking one piece then clicking another to make a swap. There is no timer. There are no points to score. There is no penalty for placing a wrong piece and the only reward is seeing the final panel without the grid marks. It is actually funny when first starting a puzzle as one piece will feature a random juxtaposed boob on it and is just so out of place. Yeah, early teen boys will probably get the most enjoyment of this puzzle completing sim. It is also unacceptable that any puzzles you cleared are not saved so you have to clear puzzle 1 to unlock puzzle 2 and then finish puzzle 2 to unlock 3 upon re-booting up the game.

Once the novelty of exposed non-animated, non-pose changing anime babes wears off, there really isn’t much game here. It is like the boobs were designed first, then the bland experience was built around it and never became a focus or feature.

SCORE: 3.5/10

Just As Naughty As: Waifu Discovered 2

Not As Naught As: Mokoko X  

Play It Instead: Fingun

By: Zachary Gasiorowski, Editor in Chief

Twitter: @ZackGaz

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