Gamer’s Gullet – Nissin Cup Noodles Final Fantasy Dissidia NT Edition

Salty Carbs

The back of this Nissin Cup Noodles packaging states “for the very best ramen noodle soup.” However, instead of calling this “soup” or “noodles,” a more accurate statement would be to call this dish “salt mixed with some other stuff.” If you want increase your blood pressure, Nissin has your meal ticket right here.

I can still taste the sodium.

Why did I buy these two cups of sodium? First, they were on sale 2 for $0.88. Second, scoring some free exclusive DLC to Final Fantasy Dissidia NT on PS4 sounded pretty sweet to me even though I don’t own the game. The only problem is, it is now mid-August but this offer expired at the end of June. Which is pretty dumb because the only way the buyer is informed of the limited time offer is by opening the packaging, and you cannot open the package without buying it. Unless you opened in the store because you’re “that guy.”

DLC instructions

So right off the bat, I am upset at these stupid things because I am not getting my DLC. Even though I saw the DLC expiration date, I still followed the instructions and took a picture of my receipt, then texted it to the number listed but got no response. So yeah, this offer is dead. The packaging doesn’t even tell you what the DLC was for. Was it an exclusive weapon? Extra experience points? A digital coupon code to make Cloud eat Chocobo-flavored noodles? Don’t know.

DLC offer is already expired.

Since I didn’t get my Dissidia DLC, I decided to eat this salt trough against my better judgement. Following the instructions, I boiled some water and then poured it over these petrified noodles. The instructions specifically state to NOT microwave the cup and to use an external means of boiling water. You think science would have allowed us to do this all in one cup by now. Or perhaps the boiling/microwaving tech is there but it would increase the cost. For under $.50, you can’t really complain.

Follow the instructions

For this review I ate the beef cup which has the Warrior of Light on the cover. I am leaving the Lightning shrimp variation for another time; I need to wait for my blood pressure to even out.

Looks like dry dog food

Other than the obvious noodles, this cup has tiny chunks of meat, the occasional corn kernel, and an even rarer carrot bit. There is also these small green flakes but can’t say if they add any flavor. Maybe they just want you to think that you might be eating something healthy.

Gotta let it sit for a few minutes

After letting the water soften the noodles for a few minutes just like the instructions said, it was time to burn my mouth on the saltiness. And yeah, it tastes like ramen. Nothing special. But nothing bad I guess either. Just super salty noodles that has that fossilized beef flavoring. And it is just that – flavoring. They add flavoring as opposed to letting the natural food create its own flavor.

Corn always makes a return

Against my better judgement, I ate the whole thing. Just minutes later, I regretted this life choice and felt the need to chug about 24oz of water in hopes of negating the sodium intake. It didn’t really work and I had some wicked gas for the rest of the night.

If you enjoy ramen, yeah sure, there is no reason you wouldn’t like this. But if you value your blood pressure, and want to keep your mouth un-burnt, go and buy your DLC for Dissidia and save your health at the cost of your wallet.

SCORE: 5.2/10

Better Than: eating that super spicy sauce at Bee-Dubs
Also Try: the soy sauce challenge
Wait For It: Dissidia NT Deluxe Edition that includes all the DLC

By: Zachary Gasiorowski, Editor in Chief
Twitter: @ZackGaz

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